Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Bogans Unite in New Party

LEVIN - They make up 14% of the population of New Zealand, are far poorer than the New Zealand population as a whole, and consider themselves underrepresented in parliament, although they are overrepresented in crime statistics. Now they are uniting to form a single party. Maoris? Nah, son - bogans.

The ANZAC equivalent of the North American redneck, bogans are the socio-economic class that arose from mass immigration of the British working classes to New Zealand and Australia in the 19th and 20th centuries.

Mr. Dwayne Sayer, Leader of the new Bogan Party, spoke briefly to the BFST about some of the values and policies of his fledgling party.

"First, stop the ban on pit bulls," Mr. Sayer said when asked to give a brief outline of the Bogan Party's major policy issues. "Second, get rid of the gooks. Third, no more fuckin' Jap imports. Shit, we've got more, it'll be on our website, as soon as Corey gets the computer back from the Cashies."

The BFST asked Mr. Sayer if he had considered the legal ramifications of having one of their major policies being something as xenophobic as "get rid of the gooks."

"They shouldn't fuckin' be here. There's too fuckin' many of them. Simple as that, really."

On the subject of potential coalition partners, Mr. Sayer ruled out Labour and the Greens, claiming they were "a bunch of poofters." Don Brash was unacceptable because "he's married to that Chink.", and the Bogan Party had not considered ACT because "we've never heard of them."

BFST's New Zealand political correspondent Mr. James Speight said that the Bogan Party was expected to poll at around 6%, "if they can keep it together until the election, and if there's nothing much on TV that day."

The BFST asked Winston Peters about the possibility of entering into coalition government with the Bogan Party, perhaps alongside National or Labour. His response was "What the fuck are you talking about? I shouldn't have to put up with this rubbish every day."


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