Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Educators Decry 'Insufficient' Pace of Evolution

WELLINGTON - A team of the nation's top educators has pinpointed the clumsly and inefficient workings of natural and sexual selection as one of the major challenges confronting New Zealand's hopes to build a knowledge-based economy.

In a report entitled Evolution: Its Inefficiencies and Insufficiencies, the team writes that evolution, with its tendency to destroy the stupid and benefit the intelligent, is a critical factor in forming an intelligent populace, and that its slow pace is hindering this process.

"The slow pace of evolution is one of the major threats to New Zealand's international competitiveness." says Dick Oram, an economist who worked with the team on its report. "The key to building a successful Information Age economy is a high average IQ. Hastening the pace of evolution, whether by natural or sexual selection, would increase our average IQ and make us all wealthier and happier. Except of course for the people who would be eliminated."

Education Minister Trevor Mallard said that the Labour party had reviewed a number of ways of increasing the natural speed of evolution. "Three major, realistic and feasible" methods had been suggested: elimination of individuals believed to be carrying genes that increased the likelihood of stupidity, active state encouragement of breeding (including financial incentives) for those carrying intelligent genes, and a massive research program intended to isolate intelligent genes and hopefully find a way to transfer them to less intelligent people.

National Party leader Don Brash said that the National party had nothing against the elimination of societal undesirables "in principle", but was undecided on the question of the state having an influence in choice of breeding partner, as "it may be argued that this constitutes a breach of personal freedoms."

Reserve Bank governor Alan Bollard told the BFST that if the average IQ of New Zealanders could be raised to 130, it would likely add around 2-3% to New Zealand's yearly GDP growth.


Anonymous Lindsay said...

Its kinda hard to imagine a world without idiots. If you write articles like this, you're going to have to answer the obvious question that this brings up: Whos going to serve you in Mac Donalds?

12:22 PM  
Blogger Lucky Strike said...

In the future, the average person will be intelligent enough to create McDonalds burgers by pure thought.

1:58 PM  
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