Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at: bfstblog@gmail.com

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A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Europe Descends into Chaos as Constitution Rejected

BERLIN, PARIS, LONDON - Once more, Europe has fallen into a catastrophe of their own making. For various reasons, Europe had found itself in a situation where only ratification by French voters of the proposed EU constitution could save them. Yesterday's referendum results showed that they failed to do this, the "No" side winning the vote 55% to 45%.

Soon after the final results were announced to an anxious public, the fabric of society was torn asunder. In Paris, looters sacked the commercial areas, packs of rabid dogs were roaming the streets, and mothers hurled their children from high-rise apartment windows.

A cataclysmic fissure, stretching from Marseille to Warsaw, opened up an hour after the results were announced, spewing magma and lava into fields and cities throughout the continent. Recovery work has been impeded by the collapse of central government in many of the affected countries.

Reports from the Italian Weather Bureau say that a plague of locusts has crossed the Mediterranean from Northern Africa and is destroying cropland throughout Southern Europe.

The Swedish Government reports that in the southern city of Farjestad, two horses had eaten each other during the night, and cemeteries had apparently been vandalised, with the corpses being exhumed and the remains strewn over a wide area. It was also reported that four suns were visible in the sky yesterday afternoon.

In Southern Germany, Lake Konstanz transmuted instantly to human blood. The Government in Berlin says that it has lost all contact with the entire state of Baden-Wuerttemburg. Mobs sacked the seat of state government in Munich, and so far the police have been unable to restore order.

Gunfire has been heard along the German-Polish border, and unconfirmed reports suggest that the German Army is making inroads into Polish territory. Sporadic gunfire and artillery shelling has also been reported in the Basque area of Spain as well as parts of Northern France.

A mental asylum in Amsterdam was apparently taken over by its own patients. The head of the director was impaled upon a stick and paraded around the grounds of the hospital. The inmates then broke into the streets.

So far, Britain and Eastern Europe seem to have been spared the worst effects of the French public's unwillingness to blindly follow the vague plans of their politicians.

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