Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Government Congratulates Itself on Skinning Victory

WELLINGTON - Justice Minister Phil Goff today hailed news that no cases of human skinning had been reported in New Zealand this year.

The report, from the New Zealand police, said that human skinning was a practice common in some parts of Africa, where it was believed that the skins can be made into charms or potions that make their users rich. This practice is especially common in southern Tanzania, which is renowned as a center for traditional sorcery. Goff said that the absence of human skinning cases in New Zealand highlighted the effectiveness of the Labour Government's "hard line on crime".

National Party leader Don Brash said that the Labour Government should not take too much credit from the results, saying that "The very low incidence of human skinning in New Zealand is a result of the policies that we put in place in the early nineties, policies whose effects are now being seen despite the stonewalling of the Labour party. The Honourable Phil Goff failed to mention this, naturally."

Green Party co-Leader Rod Donald told the BFST that the results were a little misleading, as "the conditions that lead to deplorable crimes such as this are still present in New Zealand society. Human skinning in New Zealand is a matter of when, not if."

ACT MP Deborah Coddington saw a conspiracy behind the reporting. "This is a cynical attempt by the Government to paint themselves as hard on crime in an election year. The major cause of human skinning is high taxation, which causes workers to find some other desperate means of income. If taxes were lowered, such atrocities would be even less frequent."


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