Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Nelson Man Dismayed To Find Brain Removed

NELSON - Nelson resident William McGibbert received some shocking news last week when he went for a checkup with his local GP.

McGibbert, 67, says that he had recently been having trouble remembering appointments and other important dates. His wife Eileen, who says that William "had always been so good at remembering things", says that at first she began to suspect that he was suffering from Alzheimers disease.

"I felt that the worst was upon us." she says.

Eileen took William to their GP, who referred him to a specialist, who discovered via X-ray that William's skull was almost completely empty. "The specialist didn't believe it at first," Eileen recalls, "he thought there must have been some kind of mistake. So we took another X-ray, which confirmed the terrible news."

The McGibberts reported the apparent theft to the Nelson police, who say that they are stumped by the brain's absence. Senior Sargeant Michael Wilson told the BFST "We haven't had any reports of a missing brain before, but if one turns up we'll be on the phone to Mr. McGibbert straight away.

"We are, however, having a lot of difficulty trying to find either the means or a motive in this case. No ransom note has been received although I've been told the brain has been missing for six weeks now."

Nelson Hospital Director Mark Bradford told the BFST that such cases were extremely unusual. "You'd think that things like this happen fairly often, but you'd be wrong. This is the first case I know of in Nelson."

Eileen McGibbert says that the discovery that William's brain had apparently been stolen actually came as a relief, because it raised the hope that the organ may one day be returned and replaced. "If he'd been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I would have been forced to shoot him. I even had taken the shotty out of the garden shed." William McGibbert says that "hopefully whoever took it will return the thing soon - it's hard enough to remember things at my age without someone making everything harder for you."


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am seriously believeing that my brain must have been stolen as well.

Maybe there is a maffia targeting stealing brains in the South Island of New Zealand.

There was something else I was gonna write but I can't remember...

10:04 AM  
Blogger Lucky Strike said...

Watch out - you may have made a pact with your significant other to kill you in the case of terminal illness such as Alzheimer's. Have you made such a pact? Think!

12:50 PM  
Anonymous john little brain said...

i think i have found a brain .but i cant be too sure because m y eyesight isnt the best.and i bought a pound of mince the other day and lost that.but i will get my grand mother to have a look who by the way has good eyesight . i will let you know what happens .cheers john little brain

6:15 PM  
Blogger hardgearcowboy said...

Hey I really like this website, especially this article for me ok? Recently am had my brain brain taken off and it hurt so I wasn't happy for that event ok?

8:58 PM  
Blogger Lucky Strike said...

Hardgear -it's ok! Just don't hurt anyone, ok?

11:36 PM  

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