Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at: bfstblog@gmail.com

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A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

New Method of Reducing Alcohol Consumption Discovered

CHRISTCHURCH - A group of researchers at the University of Canterbury have discovered what they claim to be a remarkable method of reducing alcohol consumption while club-hopping in the city.

The group, comprised mostly of researchers within the University's Psychology Department, believe they have discovered evidence that suggests drinking six to ten beers before hitting town is the most effective way to reduce alcohol over-consumption while out partying.

The leader of the group, Dr. Ron Ahlfeldt, says that the technique has a number of advantages over the range of drink-suppressing drugs on the market. "Firstly, you don't have to worry about getting yourself down to the chemist to buy some drugs. Secondly, the treatment is cheap - our participants consumed an average of ten dollars worth of medicine. And most importantly, the side effects of the treatment are remarkably similar to the effects of going to town and drinking alcohol, so the participants don't feel like they're missing out on anything."

One of the participants in the study, who asked to remain anonymous, said that the treatment was so effective that "after a couple of drinks in the city I felt absolutely blitzed."

Dr. Ahlfeldt cautions, however, that the research is inconclusive at this early stage. "We will have to do a lot more research before we can present any concrete results."

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