Bovine Free State Times

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Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Six meter pile of garbage "fault of previous tenant"

NELSON - A six meter high mound of rotting garbage is infuriating residents of the Nelson suburb of East Nelson, but the tenant of the property at which it is situated refuses to accept responsibility for it.

Luke Bell, 24, says that the garbage mound already existed when he moved into the property six years ago. "The blame for the existence of this trash heap falls squarely on the shoulders of the previous tenant. Their maintenance was appallingly substandard, and I have only now been able to make inroads into correcting the deplorable state that they left the property in."

The previous tenant, who asked that their name not be published, said that Bell was "nuts".

"I mean, he's has six bloody years to fix up the place, which was a scumhole when I moved in there anyway.

"Six years is a completely reasonable amount of time to clean up a back yard."

Bell rejects the previous tenant's claims. "It's just not that simple. Since moving in here, I've had other things I've had to take care of. The drains were blocked, the gutters needed clearing, the security of the back yard was compromised by a series of unauthorised visits by stray cats, and there was a stack of city council survey forms a foot high that had to be filled out. The general state of disrepair of the property prevented me from getting around to solving the problem of the rubbish heap."

Bell's arguments anger the previous tenant, who says that the reason why Bell got to take over the tenancy in the first place was because he convinced the landlord that he would take better care of it. "He [Bell] spun the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard. He said he'd do everything better, and that it wouldn't lose the landlord any money. I couldn't believe the audacity of the man. Well, I guess the landlord is feeling like a bit of a sucker right now.

"However, if the landlord wants to put me back in, I'll change everything, and what's more, I'll increase my own rent."

The landlord of the property, who also declined to be named, said a decision was due in September.


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