Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Stephen Fleming Retires To Become Farmer

WELLINGTON - A brace of sudden retirements have befallen the Black Caps, promising to worsen the personnel problems suffered throughout most of last season.

The first bombshell was Black Caps captain Stephen Fleming announcing that he had purchased a lease on an undisclosed high country farm in Central Otago, where he intended to become a dairy farmer upon his immediate retirement from all forms of cricket.

Speaking to reporters outside his home in Wellington he said "I woke up this morning and suddenly couldn't understand why on Earth anybody would play cricket.

"It takes five days to play a whole game. I could read War and Peace in five days, or tramp the Milford Track in that time. Why should I prefer to stand in a field chasing a leather ball, watching something happen once per minute, for five days instead? You'd be insane. I don't know who has the time to watch this sort of thing."

Black Caps spin wizard Daniel Vettori has also retired from all forms of the game, effective immediately. "I was talking to Stephen last night, and I started wondering why I bother with this crazy game. I mean, five days of hanging out in my pyjamas. I could have been a doctor, you know. So I've decided to devote my life to helping the poor. On Saturday I will be flying to India to join up with the Doctors Without Borders project that's running there. Just think, I could set around 50 broken limbs, or remove 30 or so appendices, or even do a couple of heart transplants, all in the time it previously took me to play a Test match."

Both Vettori and Fleming say that they hope their former teammates will see the error of their ways, although Fleming says he will not attempt to influence them, rather he will try and live a life completely out of the public eye on his new dairy farm.


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