Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Tension Escalates In Nelson East

NELSON - The BFST has recieved alarming reports of an outbreak of civil war in the eastern Nelson suburb of Nelson East.

The violence is assumed to be a result of the series of misunderstandings and confrontations that have occured between the Gibson and McGrath families, both residents of Nelson East.

The confrontations began last Friday, when a vehicle driven by the father of the family, Darren McGrath, narrowly avoided running over the Gibson family dog, a chihuahua named Chuffles. Sources close to the Gibsons say that the father and Commander of the McGraths, Darren McGrath acted with "indifference" upon hearing from the Gibson's 14 year old son, Jeremy, who stood nearby, that the dog had narrowly escaped death as Mr. McGrath pulled into the driveway of their suburban home.

On Saturday, tension escalated further when a rugby ball belonging to the McGraths was kicked over the dividing fence into Gibson family territory. Pleas for aid from the McGrath's 15 year old son, Michael, were initially ignored by Sandra Gibson, mother and Prime Female of the Gibson family. After a short period during which a raiding party consisting of Michael McGrath seemed likely to intrude into Gibsonian territory, the impasse was resolved when Sandra Gibson hurled the ball back over the fence, followed by a few obscenities and jeerings from Jeremy Gibson.

It is thought that this paved the way for the violent outbreak of Monday evening, when Michael McGrath and Jeremy Gibson met at Branford Park, an open section of grassland not far from their family territories. The events leading up to the violence are unclear, but it appears that the advanced age and greater size of Michael McGrath enabled the McGrath family to win what appears to have been a short-lived fistfight. Casualities on the Gibson side are thought to be minor, although the victory will be an important psychological one for the McGraths.

Observers believe that the McGrath victory will not lead to any territorial expansion, as the Battle of Branford Park involved only a small fraction of both sides' total forces and took place far from either side's home territory.

The prospects for future violence between the two sides are uncertain, but the engagement between Michael McGrath and Jeremy Gibson is far from the 'Total War' scenario that would spell disaster for Nelson East.


Anonymous Lindsay said...

hehe thats your most random one yet :)

10:03 AM  
Blogger Lucky Strike said...

Nelson East is a vicious, brutal place. I expect it will appear quite often in the BFST.

12:58 PM  

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