Bovine Free State Times

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A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

All Blacks to be Renamed Pacific Lions

WELLINGTON - In a move sure to be met with the revulsion of rugby purists everywhere, the New Zealand rugby team, currently known as the All Blacks, will be renamed the Pacific Lions at a ceremony later this month.

A statement from the NZRFU said "In these global times, even the oldest traditions have to be brought up to date. The All Blacks can no longer be considered to represent only New Zealand, as a number of top-level Pacific rugby players have chosen, for reasons totally unrelated to money, to play for a New Zealand side.

"The NZRFU cannot pretend that players such as Sitiveni Sitivatu, born and raised in Fiji as he was, are New Zealanders. Therefore, the team name must be changed in order to reflect the people the team is representing."

Welsh journalist and professional aggravator Stephen Jones has already written a mocking column on the move, pointing out that "The New Zealand Maori are now more European than the team representing New Zealand proper, whatever name they might go by."

Green MP Keith Locke welcomed the move, saying it was 'long overdue' and that "only racists and bigots could possibly oppose this hand of friendship towards our Pacific brethren."

British and Irish Lions coach Sir Clive Woodward also welcomed the move, but with the sarcastic rejoinder that "I'm happy that in New Zealand, as well as in Britain, a spade is also called a spade. But we will not be interested in that, we're only thinking about the Otago game."

Sources close to NZRFU President Jack Hobbs say that the move may be a cunning marketing ploy to build hysteria around the 'Lions' concept in time for the three-test series between the British and Irish Lions and a team representing an as of yet unknown amalgamation of South Pacific islands beginning in Christchurch on June 25.

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