Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Faroe Islanders set to Become Majority by 2050

WELLINGTON - Demographers across the nation are intrigued by new data that suggests that the majority of New Zealand's population might be of Faroe Islandese descent by as early as 2050.

According to Statistics NZ, the resident population of New Zealanders with Faroe Islandese descent has remained stable for 25 years at one. The only variation to this count was a minor blip in 1986, when he was believed to be visiting friends in Australia at the time of the census.

However, last year the population of the Faroe Islandese community doubled in size when a woman from the Islands moved to New Zealand with her Kiwi husband. Resident BFST Demographer Dr. Hermann Hitler says that if this prodigious rate of growth is continued, most New Zealanders could be of Faroe Islandese descent by 2050.

"The situation at present is, with immigration from the Faroe Islands so massive, their population is doubling every year.

"In 2004 it was two. This year, it may already be four, next year eight. In eight years it will be over 500, and in 16 years there will be enough Faroe Islandese in this country to poulate a city the size of Nelson. In 20 years there will even be enough to populate a city the size of Christchurch."

New Zealand First Leader Winston Peters spoke to the BFST on this issue, saying his party had nothing against people from the Faroe Islands, but "If they are projected to come here in such great numbers, who is keeping tabs on them? Who will ensure that they will assimilate and contribute to Kiwi society instead of colonising us?"

The original Faroe Islander could not be contacted by the BFST, but it is believed that he is now living as a hermit near Lake Minerva in Fiordland National Park.


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