Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

India and Pakistan Return to Brink of War

ISLAMABAD/ NEW DELHI - World leaders are on alert tonight as it appears that India and Pakistan have returned to the brink of war. US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is said to be on her way to South Asia to meet with Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf and Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in the hopes if starting talks to defuse the tensions.

Reports from several sources say that the renewed tensions originate from when a drunken Indian border guard near Lahore jeered to his Pakistani counterpart that popular cricketer Shaoib Ahktar was "a chucker", meaning cheater.

The Pakistanis are reported to have responded by throwing stones and cricket equipment at the Indians, who were then removed from the scene by their commanders while the border was temporarily closed.

News of the incident quickly filtered up the hierarchy on both sides of the border. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf apparently became livid upon hearing of the incident, saying "How could anyone not realise that Harbajhan Singh is the biggest chucker in the world!"

Not long after Musharraf's outburst, he received a phone call from the Indian Prime Minister, who teased him about the Pakistani team's fourth placed ranking, one below India, in the ICC Test Championship. Singh is believed to have teased him about being tied with Sri Lanka on 100 points.

Musharraf is said to have retorted that the gap between India and Pakistan was greater in the ICC One-Day International Championship, where India is currently ranked seventh to Pakistan's fifth. It is also said that Musharraf concluded the conversation with "And just as One-Dayers are the more modern form of the game, it follows that Pakistan would be better at them, since we are the more modern country."

Singh's response was filmed in a speech to the Indian people and broadcast on national television, where he decried "The Pakistanis are no better than their pea-hearted hero, the chucker Akhtar."

Musharraf responded on national radio with the jibe "Singh is just another in a line of corrupt Indian leaders, just like Azharuddin." Mohammed Azharuddin was a former Indian cricket captain who was banned from the game for corruption amid match-fixing allegations.

In response to this, Singh placed the Indian Army and Air Force on Red Alert, a move followed by Musharraf minutes later. US President George W. Bush is optimistic that a solution to the crisis can be reached. "The Pakistanis and Indians have something special in common - passion for one of the world's great sports."

In an interesting twist of fate, commentators who so recently praised the role of cricket in thawing the relations between these two south Asian powers are now finding themselves condemning it.


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