Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at: bfstblog@gmail.com

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Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Rumsfeld Upsets Western European Allies

BERLIN - US Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld has once again upset America's European allies with a statement made at a lunch with various NATO leaders today.

Rumsfeld was answering questions from the press when a reporter asked him if he had any explanation for the sometimes ambivalous attitude of America's right towards Europe.

Rumsfeld responded "America and Europe are like a family, a big Western family. "Europe is like America's older brother. The problem that America has, is that Europe is like a junkie brother. It lies in the gutter of its decline, with its shirtfront stained by the vomit of its laziness, its arm pierced by the hypodermic needle of not having enough children.

"And our brotherly love for this pathetic being soon turns to frustration at its self-harm and unwillingness to help itself rise from its deplorable state, which leads to us not being sure if we should help it or kick its head in."

Rumsfeld's lyrical waxing was met by quiet murmurs of disapproval. He quickly tried to play down the effects of his words, by adding "at least that's how some on the right think. Not everyone.

"I think it scares them how Europe can be committing demographic suicide with so little official concern."

US President George W. Bush, upon hearing of Rumsfeld's comments, said "I know Donald feels quite strongly about this issue and has expressed himself in no uncertain terms. That's up to him."

Back in America, Rumsfeld said of the minor controversy over his remarks: "It ought to be remembered that our hatred for Europe is born of brotherly love. Except for the French, who we just hate."

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