Bovine Free State Times

The BFST is a centrist arena for the slaughtering of sacred cows. Its purpose is to use satire to make clear the absurdity of many facets of the world that we live in. It exists to spread the memes of cheerful nihilism, which Lucky Strike believes is the only rational way to approach life on Earth. Email us abuse and/or suggestions at:

Location: New Zealand

A bipedal primate whose cognitive capacities are insuffient to answer the questions that are generated by life on Earth.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Solipsists Happier Than Normal People

MONTREAL - Psychologists have discovered that people adhering to the philosophy of solipsism are on average significantly more happy than people who take the existence of others on face value.

Solipsism is, put crudely, the belief that the self is the only real thing. The solipsist may consider himself to be the only thinking creature in a world of organic automatons, or that other humans are simply a projection of his own being.

The research behind this finding was led by Dr. Francois Haultain, who himself claims to be 'unsurprised' by the results.

Other findings from the study, which interviewed 1,500 people from a variety of philosophical backgrounds, include: solipsists tend to have lower blood pressure, better health at advanced ages, and a higher psychological resilience against stresses and traumas.

"What better way to create a sense of revenge against the annoyances and arrogances of your fellow man then by refusing to believe in their very existence? If no one else really exists, if they are just projections of your own mind, then it is pointless to become angry at them."

Dr. Haultain said that there was weak evidence for a correlation between hatred of all human beings and a tendency towards solipsism. "I think solipsism may be a kind of defense mechanism for people who are frustrated with the unending, mindboggling stupidity that is a constant feature of humanity. Solipsism gives these people a way of making this stupidity seem less threatening."

The findings have been condemned by a wide range of religious authorities, including the Pope, who claimed that the research "is a beachhead for nihilism in the war against humanity."

Dr. Haultain responded to the Pope's condemnation with "Solipsism is very similar to religious thought in that it gives people a philosophical escape from the horrors of everyday existence. I guess the Pope just doesn't want any competitors."


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